My Roommate, Thor Odinson
by Flight Deck Otter
Summary: Steve was hoping for a nice, quiet break from being a hero, but his plans changed when he had to live with Thor for a few weeks
1. Chapter 1

Steve groaned as a loud whirring sound from the kitchen woke him abruptly. His clock's screen glowed with the time 9:45, which was an unusually late start for Thor. This was the third morning in a row that he had scared Steve from his slumber because he'd found some new kitchen appliance to marvel at and play with. For a god, he was way too easily amused.

"CAPTAIN , COME QUICKLY. THERE IS A GLORIOUS BLADED INSTRUMENT IN THE ROOM OF COOKING. IT SLICES THE FRUITS TO THEIR FATEFUL DEATH." Thor's booming voice echoed off the walls and reverberated into Steve's room. He threw the covers off himself and slowly made his way to the kitchen, yawning and rubbing his eyes. He had hardly gotten any sleep in the past week, since he'd moved in with Thor.

In the scene of the Avengers' comeback, Steve's apartment had been destroyed. Tony had promised him a place at Stark tower, but it would be a while until the room was finished. Tony was nice enough to rent him a new apartment while he waited, but under one condition-Thor had to live with him. The team had decided that Thor needed to stay closer to S.H.I.E.L.D. and the rest of them, at least until they had better connection with Asgard, and they knew Steve wouldn't have the heart to turn him down. That's how he ended up awake at 5:30 in the morning trying to teach Thor how to properly work a microwave or how not to destroy things with the electric mixer. Or, in this case, how to dislodge a whole banana that got stuck in the blender.

"You have to peel and cut it first, or else it's too strong for the blades to chop," Steve explained, cutting the banana into thin slices. At least he knew what he'd be having for breakfast. Thor stood next to him, looking like a puppy who knows it just did something wrong, but because it's a puppy, you can't scold it, so you just kind of clean up it's mess and tell it what the right thing is to do even though you know it'll probably happen again.

"You have my deepest apologies, Captain," Thor said sincerely.

Steve dumped his banana slices in the blender and began pouring in milk, then adding strawberries. "It's okay, Thor. Just please stop playing around with kitchen utensils. And I'm not wearing the suit, you can call me Steve." After finishing with all his ingredients, Steve put the top on the blender and was ready to press the "puree" button when a larger finger beat him to it. Thor gave him an excited look as his eyes darted between Steve and the blender. Steve rolled his eyes. "Oh, fine."

Thor pressed down on the button and watched in awe as the blender mixed the ingredients until they became a smooth, pale pink mixture. "Okay, you can let go now."

Thor didn't seem to hear him and instead did the opposite by pressing down harder. Steve tapped on him. "Thor, seriously, you can stop now."

Instead of removing his finger, Thor swiftly brought his other hand to the top on the blender, and before Steve realized what he was doing, there was banana-strawberry smoothie everywhere. The whirring noise of spinning blades quickly died out and silence took its place. The two men stood in stunned silence for a while before finally turning to look at each other and bursting into a fit of laughter. Two of Earth's mightiest heroes, the god of thunder and the legendary super soldier, standing in their tiny kitchen, faces completely drenched in a banana-strawberry smoothie. It was ridiculous, yet somehow summed up how their lives had been and would be as roommates.

When they had finally regained control of themselves, the laughter slowly burned out and Steve grabbed them both towels. "I don't think I'm going to let you back in the kitchen for a while," he told Thor as he wiped the sticky mess off his face, "definitely not near the blender, anyway. I'm going to go shower, I'm meeting Tony for shawarma in a couple of hours. Please try not to destroy anything. Just sit and be patient for ten minutes. You can watch TV in my room, okay?"

So he led Thor into his room and turned on some game show that he hoped would keep Thor entertained long enough for him to shower. Miraculously, Thor stayed out of trouble while Steve was busy getting ready, and sat curiously through an entire hour of The Price is Right. After that day it became ritual, and Thor sat in front of the TV with his poptarts, talking at the people on the screen as if they could hear him. Steve pretty much had him controlled at the apartment, but he knew that the second Thor was home alone, there would be chaos. What was Steve supposed to do when he had some place to be?


	2. Chapter 2

"Wait, are you asking me to babysit Thor while you're on your date with Tony?"

Steve blushed, grateful that Bruce couldn't see him through the phone. "It's not a _date_. And I just need you to keep an eye on him for an hour or two. Please? You're my only hope." It was mostly true, he'd called everybody except Clint. Just thinking of the trouble he and Thor could get into together made Steve cringe.

On the other end of the line, Bruce sighed. "I can't, Steve. The other guy wouldn't handle babysitting well. Sorry. You've really called everybody else already?"

"Pepper's at a business meeting, along with Coulson and Hill, Fury…said some things I shouldn't repeat, and Natasha said I was stupid for even asking." He knew asking both Nick and Natasha was a long shot, but he was desperate.

"What about Clint? I'm sure he'd be willing to keep the big guy entertained for you," Bruce suggested.

"C'mon Bruce, you've met them. I mean, they're both great and everything, but can you imagine what they could get themselves into in an hour?" Steve shuddered as images involving car crashes and fire were projected in his mind.

"If you're really that desperate, just ask him. Honestly, I doubt they would do anything too destructive. Sure, Clint's a bit… adventurous, but he knows his boundaries. Who knows, maybe it'll work out fine and Clint can take him off your hands more often," Bruce replied optimistically, though not entirely truthfully. He knew it was more than likely that Thor and Clint would cause some craziness, but he doubted it would harm anyone.

Steve thought for a moment. It would be kind of nice if everything turned out well and Thor could be out of the apartment more. Thor was great, but he was also the reason Steve had replaced their pillows twice in one week (the first time, Thor thought they were full of baby birds and tried to set them free. The second time, he'd tried to microwave two and managed to crush the others with the electric mixer.). "I guess I'll call Clint, then."

After he'd hung up with Bruce, Steve dialed Clint, who answered after the first ring.

"Hello?"

"Clint? It's Steve."

"Hey, Cap! Long time no see. Need something?"

"I called to ask a huge favor of you. I'm meeting Tony in half an hour for lunch, and I don't want to leave Thor in the apartment by himself. Do you think maybe you could keep an eye on him for me?"

"You need me to babysit the big guy while you're on a date?"

Steve's blush returned to his cheeks. "It's _not_ a date."

Clint laughed. "I was just teasing. Sure, I'll watch Thor for you."

Steve breathed a sigh of relief. "Thank you so much, Clint."

"No problem. Thor's always loads of fun."

Steve hesitated nervously before replying. "Just… try not to get into any trouble, okay? I mean, try not to let him get into any trouble."

Clint gasped dramatically with mock surprise. "Trouble? Me? I'm offended!"

Steve rolled his eyes. "I'm serious, Clint."

"We will be_ fine_, Cap, I promise."

Steve was still a bit skeptical, but decided to take a chance. Ten minutes later, he was leaving Thor at Clint's house (although "nest" would be a more appropriate word) and speeding off to the shawarma place (not really speeding of course, he couldn't ruin his "model citizen" image. He was Captain America, after all.).


	3. Chapter 3

"How soon is my room gonna be done?" Steve asked anxiously as Tony sat down with their food. He wasn't even sure what shawarma was, he'd only come because he wanted to know how quickly he could move in. Okay, and because Tony was nice company. But it was _not_ a date.

"Someone's antsy," Tony replied, raising his eyebrows, "Why? Things with Hammerhead not going so well?"

Steve sighed and eyed his food suspiciously. "What's shawarma even made of?"

Tony shrugged. "Dunno. But the name is cool, and foods with cool names are always good."

"Escargot is a cool name, but it's not that great," Steve pointed out.

"Escargot isn't _that_ cool. Fondue sounds cooler than that, and it's delicious."

Steve's eyes widened in shock. "F-fondue?"

Tony looked at him curiously. "Yeah, fondue. You know, melted cheese on random food? Fondue?"

Steve nodded slowly. "Right. Fondue."

"Back to my question, how are things with Goldilocks?" Tony inquired again, taking a huge bite out of his shawarma. Steve took a smaller bite and found that it was actually pretty tasty.

"Not so great. Thor's a good guy, and I know he means well, but he just doesn't seem to get it, you know?" Steve replied. He felt bad for talking about his Asgardian friend like this, but he wasn't going to lie about it.

"What exactly doesn't he get?" Tony asked.

Steve explained the best he could. "He ripped our pillows to shreds because he thought there were baby birds trapped inside."

Tony burst out laughing. "Oh my god, that's hilarious!"

Steve shook his head. "Not when you're the one cleaning it all up!"

Tony kicked him lightly under the table as his laughter died down. "Aw, lighten up, Capsicle. Look, your room will be done in a couple days and you'll be able to live Thor-free and happily ever after, the end. You survived seventy years in a block of ice, I think you can survive life with Thor for a little longer."

Steve blushed the tiniest bit when Tony kicked him and called him another one of his nicknames. "Yeah, you're probably right."

Tony smiled triumphantly. "Always am."

Steve opened his mouth to say more when the sound of his cell phone ringing cut him off. As he saw the name glowing on the screen, he went pale. "Oh no."

"Who is it?" Tony asked.

"Clint, he's watching Thor while I'm gone. I'll just be a second," Steve replied as he got up from the table to answer the call. "Clint? Is everything alright?" he asked once he was outside.

"Is your refrigerator running?" Clint's slurred voice asked from the other end. Steve heard suppressed laughter in the background.

"…What?"

"THEN YOU BETTER GO CATCH IT!" The quiet chuckles turned into an uproar of laughter from the other end. Steve could make out Thor's hearty laughter in the background now, along with Clint's.

"Clint, what's going on? What're you two doing?" he asked worriedly.

"Calm down, Cap," Clint said, dragging out every syllable, "Thor just challenged me to a drinking contest."

"OF WHICH I CAME OUT TRIUMPHANTLY," Thor added loudly.

Steve rubbed his forehead, frustrated. "Just… stay where you are, okay? I'm almost positive I know which bar you're at, I'll come pick you up. And please, PLEASE try not to throw up or pass out on anybody." He hung up and made his way back to the table to grab his jacket.

"Leaving so soon?" Tony asked when he came back, "And here I thought Mr. Stars 'n Stripes would be a good date. Didn't even offer to pay! I'm appalled."

Steve blushed again. "Sorry, but I just got a phone call from a very drunk Clint and-"

"I'm kidding, Cap, it's fine. I was gonna pay anyway. Need a ride?"

Steve grinned and nodded. "Although, I'd be worried about Clint throwing up in your car."

Tony shrugged. "I've got, like, five more. I think I'll be okay," he smiled as he began walking out to the parking lot. As Steve followed, he thought about Tony's earlier comment that had made him blush.

"Wait, Tony… was… was that actually a date?" he asked hastily.

Tony chuckled. "I was joking with you, Cap."

Steve sighed, somewhat dejectedly. "Oh."

"Well, mostly."

Before Steve could reply, the engine roared to life and he and Tony were on their way to rescue their drunk friend.


	4. Chapter 4

By the time Steve and Tony reached the bar, Clint was passed out in Thor's arms. Steve could have driven there by himself (he _had_ driven to the restaurant in his own car), but who in their right mind would turn down a ride with Tony Stark?

"Patriotic One, Man of Iron, you both have my sincerest apologies," Thor said as he laid Clint in the backseat, then climbed in the other side, "I did not know the Archer would become so unwell."

"It's alright, Rapunzel," Tony replied, driving off. "Clint's bark is always bigger than his bite, he probably told you he could handle WAY more than he actually could."

Behind him, Clint stirred, rolling from one side of his body to the other. "Nat…stop hitting me…" he mumbled in his sleep, smiling a bit.

Tony chuckled. "Even in his _dreams _they're practically a couple."

"How much did you guys drink, anyway?" Steve asked.

"He swallowed a meager ten shots of the clear liquid before his tolerance was exceeded," Thor replied, then smugly added, "I finished twenty."

"Clear liquid?" Steve asked, "You mean-"

"_You downed twenty vodka shots?_" Tony finished incredulously, "No way, that's not possible!"

Thor grinned proudly. "Asgardians have exceedingly high alcohol tolerance, weak Midgardian beverages hardly affect us. I would have had more, but the man behind the counter forbade it."

"Damn Hammerhead, that's impressive. You and I have to go drinking one day," Tony mused.

"Though I doubt even the great Tony Stark could top twenty vodka shots," Steve teased.

Tony smiled and shrugged. "You never know, Cap. I might just be better at drinking than you think."

Steve rolled his eyes. "The last time you drank, you ended up on the floor of your lab, wearing a tutu and covered in flour."

"That was one time, Cap. ONE TIME," Tony said defensively, "And you can't deny that I looked great in that tutu."

Steve grinned sheepishly and his cheeks went pink. Tony had looked RIDICULOUS in the tutu, but c'mon, he DID look great in pretty much anything. Not that Steve had been paying attention to how good Tony looked in his outfits. That wasn't the case _at all_.

"Where did you even get a tutu?" he asked.

"Long story short, Bruce and I did Drunk Science. For the first time and the last," Tony replied. Steve laughed, but was overpowered by the vibrating of Tony's phone, signaling a text message. Tony, being the careless driver that he was, pulled out his phone to check the text.

"Tony! Pull over first, you should never check a text while driving!" Steve said worriedly. Tony chuckled and shook his head.

"Cap, Cap, Cap. Honestly, I thought you'd know better by now. JARVIS can take over driving if I'm busy," he replied.

"Oh. Why don't you just have JARVIS drive you everywhere, then?" Steve asked.

"Because I look really cool behind the wheel."

Steve laughed. "I should've known. Who was the text from, anyway?"

"Fury. He wants us all to meet at S.H.I.E.L.D. headquarters, apparently he has something to tell us," Tony answered, "I'll just drive us all there."

"What shall we do with the Bird Man? He has not yet awakened," Thor pointed out.

"We'll take him and hope he comes to his senses eventually?" Tony offered.

"I can't think of anything better to do," Steve replied.

"Nor can I," Thor seconded.

"Then to S.H.I.E.L.D. we go."

The entire team sat around a circular table in one of S.H.I.E.L.D.'s conference rooms. Well, most of them were sitting. Clint was still out cold, sprawled across a couch behind everybody else, and Fury was pacing. Loki was there, too, Nick insisted on keeping him locked up until it was okay for Thor to go back to Asgard to keep him in check. He kept eyeing Clint mischievously, then finally asked, "Does anyone bear some sort of writing implement?"

Confused, some searched their pockets, but it was Bruce who was able to give Loki what he wanted. "I have a Sharpie. Why do you need it?"

Loki eagerly strode over to Bruce and swiftly stole the marker from in between his fingers. "I want to leave our Archer friend a surprise for when he awakens," he answered, uncapping the pen and standing over Clint.

Natasha turned to see where Loki was going and smirked when she realized what he was going to do. "Wait, Loki," she said, getting up to join him, "give me the pen, I want a crack at drawing on Barton's face."

So they shared the marker and thoroughly vandalized Clint's vulnerable, sleeping face. Thor had tried to stop them, but Tony had stopped Thor first.

"Let 'em do it, it'll be hilarious. Besides, this is his own fault," he'd said.

So they sat in their circle, waiting patiently (but not exactly eagerly) for Fury's news. Eventually, Agent Hill had come in with a small nod to signal him that their project was complete and he could now spread the word.

"Alright everyone," Nick announced, grabbing everyone's attention, "I called you all here today because we have some exciting news. Recently, S.H.I.E.L.D. has been trying to improve connections with Asgard. Earlier this month, we sent several satellites out, and have been tracking each for a while. We connected-"

"-them to here, blah, blah, blah, just cut to the chase already," Tony interrupted. Fury sent him a death glare, then nodded at Agent Hill, who promptly smacked Tony upside the head. It shut him right up.

"S.H.I.E.L.D. has successfully created such fast connections with Asgard that any of you can reach them anytime and anywhere after you sync your phones with the satellite. Thor and Loki, you can return home whenever you like. And by whenever you like, I mean immediately," Fury finished, glaring at Loki. He'd caused one too many problems during his time there, so of course Director Fury was left to keep him in line, and frankly, he wanted to wring the god's neck. The sooner they got home, the better.

Thor nodded and stood, taking his younger brother by the arm. "I will see to it that we depart this evening. I apologize on behalf of my brother for any problems he may have caused."

Loki scowled up at him. "I only meant to entertain myself, it's not as though I brought harm to anyone. Well, I didn't _try_ to, anyway."


	5. Chapter 5

A/N: Hey guys! I am so sorry I waited six billion years to update! School started and I kind of neglected writing for a while. Anyway, this is the last chapter of this story which is why it won't be as satisfactory as the others were. I'm terrible at ending stories. Even so, I hope you guys enjoy! Thank you so much for reviewing, following, and favoriting!

Steve and Thor stood in awkward silence outside what was once their shared apartment. They had been packing all morning (Well, Steve had, anyway. Thor wasn't bringing much back to Asgard. Except the blender, he thought Loki might be entertained by it.), and it was finally empty. They both had preparations to settle into their normal (and in Steve's case, new) homes this afternoon. Steve had expected himself to feel relieved, but the moment was more bittersweet than anything. While he did get to move into Stark tower, he would honestly miss Thor and his antics. It would be odd not hearing The Price is Right theme music every morning at precisely ten o'clock.

Steve broke the silence. "Well… it's been fun, Thor."

Thor grinned. "So it has, Patrioti- Steve."

Steve smiled. "I guess I'll see you around?" He extended his hand for a final handshake. Thor paused before ignoring Steve's hand and pulling him in for a big, manly bear hug instead. It caught Steve off-guard, but he didn't object. Despite the bits of chaos, they had really bonded over their time living together. It wasn't like they wouldn't see each other again, but Thor WAS going to be worlds away. Neither of them knew too much about modern times or technology, it was nice for both of them to find someone who understood how it felt.

"I'm really gonna miss you, big guy," Steve said.

"I will miss you in great amounts as well, Steve," Thor replied.

"Keep in touch, okay? Pepper told me Tony's not always fun to deal with, I might need someone to keep me sane," Steve laughed.

"I intend to contact you whenever I have a spare moment," Thor smiled.

A loud car horn echoed in the street, followed by an impatient, "Are the manly embraces over yet? I DO have an enterprise to get back to!"

Steve rolled his eyes. Tony had insisted on picking him up himself and taking him straight to Stark Tower so he could "be impressed by his new place already". Two goodbyes and one lift of a box later, Steve and his belongings were boarded into Tony's car.

"Finally. You'd think you two were sorority sisters or something with all the _hugging _and _sentiment_," Tony said as Steve slipped into the passenger seat.

Steve buckled his seat belt, noticing Tony hadn't done the same. "Oh, don't act like you're not gonna miss him, too… Tony, you should really wear a seat belt."

"In this car? Cap, I could fall asleep at the wheel and still be perfectly safe. Remember, you're driving with-"

"-Tony Stark, I know, I know. Okay, then why bother putting in seat belts at all?"

"Because you said- I mean, it gives people the _illusion_ of being safer. Peace of mind. Some people are paranoid about stuff like that," Tony finished, dropping his sunglasses over his eyes. Steve half-smiled to himself. So, Tony HAD listened to him last time he asked about improvements he could make on his next car.

"You should really put in seat belts," Steve had said.

"All this advanced technology, and you tell me to put in _seat belts_?" Tony had replied.

"People have survived crashes because of them."

"Yeah, well those people didn't have a built-in JARVIS."

As Steve got out of the car in front of Stark Tower, Tony abruptly covered his eyes and led him in.

"Dummy, the blindfold," he commanded. The adorably clumsy robot replaced Tony's hands with an opaque piece of cloth (a job miraculously done right) and Steve was blinded. Tony placed his hand between Steve's shoulder blades and led him into and out of an elevator, both of them nearly bouncing with excitement.

"Ready for the big reveal?"

"I have been for days. Can I take the blindfold off now?"

"I feel like you do this every time I try to make a grand entrance."

"Alright, alright, I'm ready for the big reveal." Steve smiled as Tony slowly began untying the blindfold.

"I present to you… Chez Rogers. Brought to you by the brilliant mind behind Stark Industries."

Steve had only been expecting a bedroom. Just a simple, small space. He got something way bigger and better. Real wood flooring, cream-colored furniture, a wood-burning fireplace, a flat screen hanging on the wall, and a big window with a great view of the city. It was modern and cozy and Steve loved it.

"Wow. This is… this is really nice. You shouldn't have, Tony," Steve told him.

"But I did. And you like it. And it's yours. Bedroom's through that door, bathroom's right next to it. I believe a 'thank you' is in order," Tony replied.

Steve turned around and hugged him. "Thanks, Tony." Then he let go and went to inspect his new room. Tony just stood back, stunned, because one does not simply _touch_ Tony Stark, much less hug him. Normally he'd have snaked out of their grip or spit some witty remark at them, but because it was Steve, he didn't mind.

Meanwhile, Steve collapsed on his soft new queen-sized bed and caught up on some well-deserved sleep.


End file.
